But, despite time’s illusory nature, it is a hard fact that this will be my first blog in over two months.

I can’t make any excuses about my blogging laziness.  I could say I haven’t had time, but the truth would be that I haven’t made time.  I could say I haven’t found anything inspiring to write about, but that would be a lie too; the world brims with posts I could’ve made but didn’t.  The only truth I can give you for sure is that blogging fell by the wayside, while the rest of my life raced past it down the path, and no amount of speed-blogging can catch up.

At this moment, I’m wondering what I would blog about, anyway.  I look back over my past posts, from my old blog to this new one (both neglected now), and I wonder what motivated me to write the things I did.  I talk a lot about my own life, and while some of it seems like it could be interesting to someone out there, I mostly can’t see what the appeal would be for readers who don’t know me already and want to keep up with my what’s going on in my life.

Looking back, I remember that I started my original blog as a way to deal with the emotional struggle I faced when ex-boy and I got back together after our first breakup.  Shortly after that, I blogged about the poetry scandal I inadvertantly caused during my first year of teaching.  When ex-boy and I broke up again (nine months after the first breakup and almost four years after we’d started dating), my blogging friends served as my support group.  Therapy sessions continued when my grandmother died, and then you all became my editors when I posted my personal statement for grad school and asked for feedback. 

I think it was somewhere during this time that the blogging really fell off, partly because my school system blocked blogspot, but also perhaps because, once I wasn’t involved in a breakup, reunion, scandal, family tragedy, or other major life change, I just didn’t have much motivation to keep talking.  I almost felt selfish, blogging about the mundane details of my life for the satisfaction of seeing that other people cared.

The blogs I admire most are the ones that are neither therapeutic nor self-absorbed.  These blogs have nearly universal appeal because they deal with issues or topics we all face, or because they focus squarely on a subject in which a specific community has a direct interest, or because they explore the beauty/love/contradictions/coincidences in the world around us.

I do not admire my blog.  I’ve been keeping a private journal on my own for years, on and off, and (especially lately) this blog has just become an extension of that. Maybe I’m some sort of exhibitionist, or maybe it just makes me feel good to know that someone out there is paying attention; neither of these are good enough reasons for me to put my private life on display.

I’d like to continue blogging just because I like to write, but these anonymous posts about my private life are not the sort of blogging I want to do.  It’s not fulfilling for me, and I doubt my readers get much out of my blathering on about the minutiae of my daily doings anyway.

Those of you who still stop by to check up, please know that your visits have meant a lot to me, and many of you have helped me through what was in many ways the most difficult year and a half I’ve had in the twenty-four I’ve been alive.  Thank you all.